A Eulogy for my Grandfather

Dear 公公,

I never knew you as well as I wanted to.

I wish we could have spent more time together.

I knew you as a kind and generous man. Everybody did. Everybody respected you. Everybody looked up to you, because you were honest, determined and full of integrity. You were a leader by example.

We would all be lucky to live the way you did, surrounded by the love and respect of family, friends and colleagues.

Even though you’re no longer with us, you are still a role model for us all. I hope we can all honour you by living in a way that you would be proud of.

I wish I could say this to you in person: I am proud and happy to be your grandson.

Dom

A Manifesto

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My name is Dom.

I believe in love. Love for ourselves, for others, for everything in our world.
Love and kindness should shape all our thoughts and actions: the world would be a far better place if we did.

I believe in passion; in honesty and self expression.
I believe in pursuing what it is important to us with dedication and determination. When you have a purpose, a calling, then you must follow it with all your heart or you will find yourself at odds with your own nature. Be yourself, and be yourself completely.
Express yourself fully, honestly and without any reservations. Do this in your thoughts and your words. Do it in your actions. Do it through your behaviour.

I believe in doing the right thing and making the world a better place.
Through constant awareness of our feelings and emotions, we can learn to feel when we are straying from our course and learn to act in a way that makes us truly happy and fulfilled.
Let yourself be your own guide.

I believe in taking responsibility.
For my thoughts, my words and my actions. For myself, for those I love: and for the world I live in.

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Q:Date a man who writes with less flattery, who strives for his dreams and not describe it too deep. Date a man who talks about his dream, and not one who uses it to fish. Date a man who talks about how you fit in his dreams, and not why you should love him. But I guess, maybe... go ahead- date a man like this, but don't you dare marry a man who speaks like him.

tomatoeraincow

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
~ T. E. Lawrence

Of all the responses I’ve had to ‘Date a man who dreams’, this is one of the most thought provoking and interesting.

My dreams are always changing, shaped by my experiences, my successes and failures. The details become less important, while the core of what I aim for becomes ever clearer.

I never expected that post to reach so many people. I wrote it for a girl, at a time when I felt that we were slipping apart. I loved her and wanted to be with her: I wrote it in part to show her what I would do for her, and in part to convince myself that I deserved to be with her. Dreams are one thing, reality another. Confusing the two can cause a lot of pain, as was the case here.

Things didn’t work out as I thought I wanted. But on the other hand, this dream inspired me to pursue others, and I also helped her further her own. Even the death of this dream led to others being birthed or becoming concrete. Dreams change: knowing when to hold on to them and when to let them go is an art that I am yet to master.

I’m afraid of my dreams sometimes. I’m afraid my dreams are selfish, that I am all style and no substance, or that my dreams will never come to pass. Sometimes I think I am dreaming about the wrong things. I am a most imperfect man, and many of my dreams are far from being actualised. I write to share my thoughts with others. I write to share my dreams. But I also write in order to show myself that my dreams have meaning, to remind myself of why these dreams are so important to me.

My dream was always to reach people. But dreams can be dangerous: many people keep dreams that they will never realise, an unattainable goal that they can imagine will make their lives complete. So: do not date a man (or a woman) who dreams but does nothing to make them reality.

The worst thing I can imagine would be to leave my dreams unfulfilled. I am not writing for the sake of writing. I write to learn as well as to teach. I write to make things happen. Some of my dreams are unfulfilled, but I know that every day I do something to make them reality. Everyone dreams: not everyone remembers them when they are awake.

I stand by that last line: “Date a man who lives his dreams.”

Perfection.

“Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.” - Savaldor Dali

This is some great advice.

I’ve had a lot of positive feedback from one of my old posts in the last few days which is always nice. I feel inspired to go out and write again. It’s important to have belief in yourself, and your encouragement and support helps immensely.

As a writer, and indeed as a person, my worst tendency is probably to avoid doing things if I feel unprepared or unable to do it perfectly. It’s why I have several nearly finished articles sitting around, and why I have numerous projects that I’ve put off starting or haven’t finished.

The more you work on things, the better it gets. It’s as simple as that.

Go forth and create!

Ten Days in Paradise

Holy crap, I’ve been in Brazil ten days already. Time does fly when you’re having fun.

I’ve been meaning to write a number of posts about specific parts of my trip so far, about life in Rio, and about life in general.

However, my first week and a half has consisted of me finding my feet, getting my bearings, training, and settling in. So here’s my Top Ten hits so far.


1. The People

Within a few days of living at Connection Rio I felt like I was hanging out with friends I’d known for ages. It helps that everyone in the hostel is a gringo in town for the jiu jitsu so we all have something in common. Lots of people to hang out with, to show you all the local secrets, and to go exploring with.

The locals tend to be really friendly too, in keeping with the stereotype. Many will happily chat to you and call you friend (well, ‘fren’ anyway) within minutes. I had an excellent chat with a bus conductor who came and sat next to me and chatted and laughed for most of the journey, despite the fact I hadn’t got a clue what he was saying for the most part. Of course, not everyone is like this, but there’s definitely a much more laid back vibe to the place. Everything definitely runs on ‘Brazilian time’… the one exception to this is driving. They drive like madmen here, although to be fair they seem to remain fairly relaxed whilst honking their horns or avoiding a fiery death by a matter of microseconds.


2. The Jiu Jitsu

Yup, the Brazilians seem to be pretty good at this Brazilian Jiu Jitsu lark. At open mat today, there were eleven black belts, including one guy who must have been around 70 and completely schooled a couple of gringoes. The depth of talent here is extraordinary and the training is top notch. I’ve had a couple of glaring holes in my game exposed and (kinda) patched up already.

I’m training at Gordo Jiu Jitsu, run by Roberto ‘Gordo’ Correa, one of the best instructors in Brazil. Although there’s a bit of a language barrier, a lot of the guys speak English and it’s amazing how fast you can make friends through rolling around on the mat. We’ve also been down to Team Nogueira, run by the Nogueira brothers who are absolute legends in Mixed Martial Arts and BJJ, where we trained with Little Nog.

Hell yeah.


3. Portuguese

I tried a few different Portuguese language products before I came out. It’s still bloody hard to make myself understood or work out what the hell is going on at times, because the accent is strong in Rio and things aren’t pronounced how they’re written. Pimsleur probably worked best for me, because of the emphasis on listening and speaking. I’m starting to understand a bit more as I get used to things, and I can at least string a few words together.


4. The Food

Food here is gooooood. Mostly fairly simple, but it’s tasty as hell and there’s lots of it. There are plenty of buffets, ranging from ‘as much food as you can heap on your plate’ to ‘all you can eat’ or ‘per kilo’. Expect meat, rice and beans, and vegetables with most meals.

Açai tigela, or a kind of frozen blended Brazilian berry in a bowl, is amazing.

I have also eaten an ungodly amount of steak and fish, which brings me nicely to the next point…


5. The Price

Things are pretty cheap here. Far cheaper than I was led to believe by numerous articles stating that Rio was as expensive as any city back home. Well maybe they were thinking of cities that weren’t London, because things here are a lot cheaper. How does three steaks for about £2.50 sound? Or if you’re eating out, how about a huge serving of meat, two sides of your choice, and beans, all for around £5? Sure, some things and some places are pretty pricy, but all things considered you can live like a prince for very little.


6. The Nightlife

So far I haven’t been going out a huge amount. We’ve been for a few drinks around the neighbourhood, which has been nice and chilled. Brazilians like to start late and stay out late. So far I’ve only been out in Barra, and we went to a fairly high end club called Zax which had a rich young crowd. It felt a little snobby, like people were more there to be seen than to have fun. But the music was good (a mix of local stuff and commercial western stuff) and the dancing was fun, plus it was just the right kind of busy. I hear it loosened up later, and the consensus was that this was way out of the ordinary, with other bars and clubs being much friendlier.

Door policy here is crazy - we got ID’d three times on the way in, then went to the front desk where instead of paying, they scan your ID (again) and take a photo of you, all of which gets programmed into a card that you use to pay for your drinks all night. This goes on a tab, which you pay at the end of the night (along with your cover charge) when you hand your card in at the end of the night. Things could get hairy if you don’t keep track of your spending; it was an expensive night, although all things considered it was cheap compared to back home. It did seem to make queueing at the bar much less painful.


7. Drinks

Ah, the drinks. They have a kind of tea called mate that is popular across South America and is pretty good. Guarana is the most popular local soft drink, made from the guarana plant, slightly caffeinated, fizzy, and damn refreshing. Brahma, Skol and Itaipava are the beers of the choice, and they are served ice cold. Light and refreshing. But the interesting drinks are the cachaça based drinks, of which the caipirinha is the most famous. Cachaça is a kind of rum made from sugar cane. All hail the glorious batida, which is basically blended fruit (or whatever) mixed with cachaça. It’s like drinking an alcoholic smoothie! Our local bar, owned by one of the black belts at the gym, has flavours such as açai, coconut, passionfruit, cashew, coffee creme, and chocolate. Om nom nom.


8. The Beach

So far we’ve mainly been on Barra beach. It’s 16k long, the sand is glorious, and there are beautiful beach bodies everywhere. It’s quiet during the week but busy on the weekends. The surfing is supposed to be great, so we’ll have to check that out soon. All the beaches have stalls at regular intervals where you can buy drinks, while there are also vendors wandering along the beach selling things ranging from hats, to food, to football shirts.


9. The Sights

We hiked up Pedra da Gávea, which is a big old mountain (according to wikipedia it’s a monolith: I don’t know what the difference is but it sounds awesome). It’s a really steep jungle hike, interspersed with a bit of rock climbing.

The views from the top are amazing: the photos just don’t do it justice.

I checked out the Escadaria Selarón, a famous landmark in one of the older parts of town (Lapa/Santa Teresa). The artist, Selarón, has covered the stairways by his house with a whole series of brightly coloured tiles which he keeps constantly updated: it’s a real labour of love. Check it out:

I’ve also been around Barra and seen a little bit of Copacabana and Ipanema, but I still have plenty more exploring to do. Christ the Redeemer and Pau de Açucar are on the list…


10. And the other stuff

There’s too much stuff to write about, plus lots of stuff that don’t warrant their own entry but are fun little anecdotes in their own right. So I’ll throw them in here:

Being without a bag. Fresh avocados in the garden. Jumping in the pool to cool off after training. Pimento the cat. Monkeys living outside our house. Baby monkeys! The dog that dangles its paws over the balcony. Canto Alegre. Oswaldo’s. Camacha. Sungas and fio dental. The sun, and the torrential rain. Mats in the house. Melissa commandeering a bus back from Team Nogueira. Getting crapped on by a pigeon. The way Brazilians like to make out - and they do it anywhere and everywhere. The prospect of watching the UFC in Brazil.

Oh ya: and apparently the girls here are quite nice looking.

Living and Leaving

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine

~

In less than 22 hours, I will be in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Given that I’m currently sitting at home in London, England, the thought is making my head spin.

I’m about to spend the next 6 months living in Brazil. This can all be traced back to a conversation I had less than 3 months ago on March 21st. I was working on a particularly long and arduous shoot when I struck up a conversation with a guy who was diligently working away on a screenplay.

It turned out that he’d worked as a film producer for a number of years but was now focusing on writing. He mentioned that he’d recently spent 6 months in Brazil, teaching English and working on his script. He said it was one of the best things he’d ever done, in terms of writing as well as just being an amazing experience.

Can you guess where going with this yet?

I’ve wanted to take a trip like this for a long time, but for various reasons it didn’t happen last year as I’d originally planned. The moment seemed to have passed. Hearing about someone else’s adventure brought the dream back to life: I mentioned to my script-writing friend that I’d always wanted to go to Brazil, to train and to live. His answer? “So do it.”

I started to make excuses: too many things in the way, too much to sort out. Too much keeping me here. “Like what?” I couldn’t come up with a proper answer. “You should do it”, he said. That night I spent hours researching it: within a week my mind was made up. I had an opportunity: who knows how long I’d have the freedom to take advantage of it?

I made a point of telling people right away: as soon as I’d told enough people, it took on a life of its own. I couldn’t back out of it without looking stupid. I talked to so many people who volunteered contacts and their own personal experience: they inspired me to make this fantasy into a reality.

And really, that’s what this post is all about.

~

“To travel is to take a journey into yourself.”

~

I’m nervous. A little scared, even. I’m leaving behind some amazing friends. I’m taking a risk. But to be honest, the rewards far outweigh the risks in my mind. My freelance work has been rather slow and my writing had taken a back seat: I had slipped into a rut. I’m going out of my comfort zone to give myself some perspective, to see things and see myself in a different light.

A change is as good as a rest, they say: there’s no better way to change than to immerse yourself in another culture. Things that were stressing me out no longer seem important, or at least not as important as learning to speak Portuguese and learning to live in a strange country. I literally have no idea what I’ll be doing or where I’ll be in a couple of months: suddenly I feel alive, excited, and most of all, free.

We all have dreams and ambitions: things we want to do, or how we want our life to look. If things aren’t going the way we want them to go; if there’s something missing in our life; if it feels that you aren’t living the life you want to: it is up to you to change things. In the words of Maya Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

I’m going in search of something that I know is missing from my life. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I do know that the search itself is what’s important.

~

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” – Henry Miller

Building Steam (with a grain of salt)

Success, they say, is a habit.

And how do you build a habit? You do it over and over again until it becomes second nature.

I know from bitter experience that when a bad habit becomes engrained in you, it becomes much harder to shift. You get stuck in a rut. Conversely, if you build enough momentum, it is that much harder for things to push you off course or distract you from your goals. You get used to winning, to taking risks and being successful. Or you get used to living like a bum.

It’s like pushing a boulder. It’s hard to get it rolling. You might even need some help to get it going. But when it starts picking up speed, it’s going to be hard to stop. It’ll swot aside all kind of minor obstacles. Of course, bigger obstacles will still get in the way, but hey, maybe you’ll find your way to a nice slope and pick up even more momentum.

There’s a concept called ‘micro-avoidance’. Every time you avoid a small task, such as replying to a message, or tidying up behind yourself or washing the dishes, you create negative momentum. These tiny little instances multiply, until the cumulative guilt and stress becomes fairly significant. More importantly, it can help to engrain a pattern of behaviour: it starts with you avoiding small tasks because it seems unimportant or irrelevant: maybe you have something more important to do. However, over time, you become used to avoiding things because they seem too difficult or time consuming: you avoid more and more things as being too trivial, too time consuming, or too difficult.

By developing the habit of taking care of the little things, the opposite process occurs. You develop positive momentum: you feel good about yourself. You have another little achievement under your belt: one less thing to worry about later. Studies have shown that not only do we have a finite amount of willpower, but that we can exercise and improve it like a muscle. So each time you do one of these little tasks, not only do you save your much needed willpower for the really important tasks, you also help train yourself to be a little more determined next time.

This kind of momentum can also translate from one area of your life to another. On a subconscious level, what you are doing is pushing through resistance. You don’t want to do something because you’re too tired or too busy: if you then push through that and act anyway, you train yourself to do the same thing next time you are in a comparable situation. Likewise, if you give up as soon as you get tired, then the pattern is that much more likely to repeat itself. You train yourself to act a certain way.

If you fail to act in one instance, not only does that opportunity slip away, the next one does too. For example: going to the gym. It’s too hard. You’re too tired. Next time. You program yourself to give in when you’re tired, to give in as soon as the going gets tough. When the next time rolls around and you’re still a little tired or it’s still going to be hard work, you’re already conditioned to give it a miss. Or if you’re trying to exercise a little discipline: how about giving in and having that extra helping every night, or that extra beer or glass or wine? Can’t hurt can it? Well, when the next meal or night out comes, you’ll be that much more programmed to give in. It takes that much more willpower to turn it around, and if you’ve had a long and trying day at work, you may not have enough left. So a habit is born.

Flip things around: get used to taking care of the little things. It might cost you a little bit of time and effort to wash up right away or clear away your stuff, but you get used to doing stuff right away. You don’t procrastinate as much. Perhaps you end up checking facebook a bit less often at work, or drag yourself away from the television a little more often and get out to the gym, to the cinema, to a bar or to a gallery or something. It becomes a habit: every little action takes a bit less willpower, while you have more of it anyway. You become (gasp) organised and efficient. Or at least, more so.

Or at least, that’s the theory. So go on: take care of those little things that you’ve been putting off. You gotta do what you gotta do!

Back on Track

Right. I’ve let myself get sidetracked from what I need to be doing at this point in time.

Adventure calls again. Finally, I feel that tremor of fear and excitement that signals that I’m alive and free and a bit like myself again. Time to sublet my apartment, pack my bags, travel alone and work abroad in two very different countries.

I’m planning a good few adventures within the next calendar year which should take me well out of my comfort zone and give me space and time to write and grow. My horoscope for the year supposedly says travel and working abroad will be good for my career, so hey who am I to argue? At the very least, it’ll be good for my soul.

And though I’m not a great poet, I can at least be a good writer with incredible stories and experiences to write about.

As Wilde says, “A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of creatures. But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating. The worse their rhymes are, the more picturesque they look. The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets make a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize.”

Date a man who dreams

Date a man who dreams.

Date a man who doesn’t spend his money on drink, or clothes, or video games, but saves what he has to go on adventures and pursue his dreams. He might have problems dealing with everyday things but no-one sees the possibilities life holds like he does. This is a man who is ready for anything, who will drop everything on a moment’s notice to run away and get lost somewhere with you or show up unannounced to whisk you away on some crazy adventure. Date a man who sees the world in millions of colours, who has his head in the clouds and his feet on the ground.

Date a man who hasn’t got the money to spoil you or shower you with gifts but finds a way to do it anyway. You can trust that he’ll find a way to touch your heart and make you feel special in new ways. He knows that words and gifts aren’t what matters. Every time he gives you something or writes to you he is giving you a piece of his soul. And every time you give him something or write to him he will truly treasure it and understand the effort you put in to choosing the gift, the words, or even making it yourself.

Date a man who sees how amazing you are even if you don’t see it yourself, who sees how good things could be for you. Because a man like this who can see the end goal, the big picture, will keep on going because no obstacle can compare to what lies ahead. Date a man who believes in true love, in romance. He will dream up incredible fantasies that the two of you can bring to life together. He will take you places other people can’t even imagine. Date a man who believes in you, because he will help you believe as well. He will see echoes of you in every thing of beauty, and he sees beauty in everything. A man like this will always think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world and will always be there for you.

Date a man who reads books and comics, who watches films and cartoons, who laughs at stupid jokes and knows when to fall into a reverential silence and drink in the moment with you. You can just be yourself with him and he’ll just be himself. He’ll understand why you love the things you do and he’ll appreciate them and be interested in them too, even his own passions lie elsewhere. He understands your whims and desires, because he’s seen them acted out in his mind. And whatever the scenario, no matter how bad things get, he sees how the story ends. And because he sees how it ends, he knows that all tragedies are overcome, all villains vanquished and fears are banished, no matter how desperate the situation may appear. Better still, date a man who writes.

Date a man who can’t be pigeon holed into any one category, who can mingle in any crowd but doesn’t truly fit in any one scene. He’s an individual, a man who knows what it takes to stand out from the crowd and who doesn’t mind being judged or thought of as different. That’s why he will never judge you or make lazy assumptions about you. That’s why he will always see you as your own person, as a unique and wonderful individual.

Fail him. Let him down. Hurt him. He’ll do the same to you: but he knows that this is just how things go. He knows that life is made up of ups and downs. He will understand that when you lash out at him or push him away, there are many reasons why. Instead of getting mad or retaliating he’ll try and make things right. He knows when to apologise and admit to making mistakes. He’s also quick to forgive because he knows how easy it is to make mistakes. He understands that your flaws and vulnerabilities make you beautiful and strong.

He knows that perfect harmony doesn’t exist and that nothing is forever. He knows that you see this too: he sees beauty and freedom in this and wants to help you see it too. He knows fear and embraces it. He knows sadness. He knows his many flaws. He is prepared to adapt and to change because he respects your values and your opinions. He knows that nobody is perfect but that doesn’t stop him trying to do his best. He knows that love needs to be worked for, that relationships are a constant flow from love and laughter to arguments and conflict, that like all things the good times come with the bad and that the dancing and loving and laughing are worth the fighting. He wants you to be happy even if it means not being with you, but in his heart he believes that he can make you happy like nobody else and so will do anything to be with you.

Date a man who remembers every little thing about you, who is intuitive, who can see when you’re happy or sad, when you need cheering up or when you want to get away from it all or just forget everything for a while. He sees everything about you. He understands that you’ll be a different person from moment to moment, that you’ll change your mind and your mood without warning. He knows that you can switch between being a baller shot caller, a kawaii otaku, an artistic auteur or a femme fatale in the blink of an eye, an that they are all a part of who you are. He loves and pays attention to each and every aspect of your personality, from the girl who needs to be cuddled and cared for to the woman with her own needs and desires.

Date a man who fights to be in your life no matter what. A man who values you and believes he should be with you will only see that you are scared of how much this could mean for both of you. This kind of guy who will always be there for you when the times are tough, who is always looking out for you even when you’re not together or when you cannot see him. Date a man who will always believe you should be together: a man who will never give up on you no matter what. Date a man you’re scared to date, precisely because you cannot think of a reason you should be scared to be with him.

Date a man who knows that this isn’t about him, but about you: a man who loves you with his heart and soul. You deserve it.

Date a man who dreams. Who dreams about you.

Or better yet, date a man who lives his dreams.

New York, New York

Exactly one year ago I was travelling from JFK into Manhattan in a yellow cab. I was tired as hell but ridiculously excited: one month in the most exciting city in the world. I had no idea what to expect: what followed was probably the best single month of my life as well as a huge step in my personal development. I’m feeling a little nostalgic now, so here’s what I wrote the day I left and that chapter of my life drew to a close.

—-

Concrete Jungle Where Dreams are Made

Flight, taxi, hostel, Tanja and Katherina and Flavio and Phillipe. Alone, jet lagged, settling in, wandering around, getting my bearings. I’m not in Kansas any more. Superbowl, sleepiness, bewilderment. Sleep. Jen, Jiu Jitsu, Vitor and Loro, Gabriel and Tete and too many others to name you all, my jiu jitsu family. Blues, purples, browns and blacks, oh my! Side control, collar choke, tap tap tap.
Sleep train eat sleep. These streets will make you feel brand new. Holy crap it’s cold, Asif. Acai and Beans and Rice. Five dollar footlongs. Ramen. Times Square, Rockefeller, Central Park, Grand Central, tourist and voyeur. English people fucking everywhere. Strikeforce in town, Bigfoot Silva in the house, Здравствуйте FEDOR! Kak delah? Frank Shamrock. JT, Gareth, Sarah and the gang. Harold and Harold go to Whitecastle. Fashion Week, Chelsea, Meatpacking District, Brass Monkeys, Juliet Supper Club and table service, more sodding Londoners. Plunge. NYC skyline at nighttime. Hollywood Diner. Breathe. Sleeeeeep.


And… Week two. The one with Unagi. Sushi, sake, ahhh, salmon skin roll. Subway lines, wtf? Drive by teddy bear. Side control, knee on belly, collar choke, tap tap tap. Tim and Jo and Chris. 5 hour energy shots. Lower East Side, the Village, hipsters, Justin Long in a dive bar, some random cowgirl on the street. Train, eat, sleep. More bloody Brits, beer, jaegerbombs in fricking pint glasses. Harold and Kumar hit the town, which one am I again? Brendan and Mel and Ciaran and Tom and Sebastian and the others who come and go. Rumours, Barcelona Bar, the Bread Factory, Marco and 24/7 pizza. Stood up on the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset. Manhattan bridge, Once Upon a Time in America, stood up in Starbucks.


Week three? All days blend together. Sleep, train, eat, sleep, train, eat, drink, choked out, fade to black. Shaolin shouts, make your grips! Touristy stuff. Natural History museum, dinosaurs! Alexandria, INFP. Pancakes in Veselka. Here’s looking at you kid. Going to Little Italy, I’ll get my little passport. Chinatown adventure. Buddhas, beads, fortune’s a good un, fingers crossed. Synagogues and stalked by fire trucks. Five points. Homer Simpson drinks bubble tea, random engrish everywhere. Five points and the gangs of New York. Sushi and Starbucks, people watching. Triangle tattoos, cavy baby. You can see Hooters from Carnegie Hall and vice versa. Cage Warriors, Hurleys, UFC, good Samaritans, K Town.


Week four? Time is running out. Train eat sleep drink, turns out I do know a bit of jits. Not that much though, tap tap tap. Puppies, the Met, spring is in the air. Washington Square and scavenger hunts, after sunset. Last session at the gym, hostel family breaking up, all good things come to an end. Japas 55, Larry. Long Island Pride, tap tap tap, open weight, no tap. Astoria, Copacabana, Spanish bar, Fontana’s, Feeling Gloomy follows me from North London to NYC. The Back Room, prohibition, beer in brown paper bags. Seriously, every other person I meet is English. Psycho roommate. Famous Cozy Diner. Beaten by a burger. I want to be a guinea pig, so fucking bad. The Big Strawberry. Seriously, I’m going to come over and kick your door down. Puddles you could drown a cow in, umbrellas blown inside out, last drinks with good friends.


Check out, check in. Starbucks, sunset, the square, moonlight and bagpipes in the shadow of the arch. We’ll always have Paris. Buy t shirts, crap they only have small ones, photos with the gang, Shaolin speechifies, ‘Dom, this your home now’. Mad dash to the airport, crazy Nepalese cab driver. Sitting on the runway, last minute texts. I’m going to miss y’all. Every ending is a beginning. JFK. NY-LON.


Since I made it here I can make it anywhere. Sayonara NYC, I’ll be back.

On Learning

‎”Live as if you were to die tomorrow - Learn as if you were to live forever.”

~Ghandi

We live in a society dominated by information. Every day we are assaulted on all sides by all sorts of media. The internet, books, newspapers, music, film, television: they all combine to drown our senses with a kind of information ‘white noise’. We drown our senses with all kinds of information about what’s going on in the outside world, from the trivial to the consequential.

Many of us know everything there is to know about our favourite television show, our favourite sports team or our favourite celebrities. What few of us do is learn about ourselves. Very few of us take knowledge and convert it into understanding, into experience.

Bruce Lee once said that all knowledge is ultimately self knowledge, but I’m guessing he wasn’t talking about knowing what Snooky’s been up to this week. Now there’s nothing wrong with catching upon the celebrity gossip or the latest episode of your favourite show, but there’s no point pretending that it’s advancing your life situation in any way. At best, it is a welcome distraction from the boredom and hardship of everyday life.

So what’s real learning? What’s real knowledge? The form it takes will vary from person to person, but in essence it is any medium which teaches us more about ourselves, which makes us struggle, makes us elated, which make us tear at our hair in frustration, vow to walk away but which ultimately we keep trying at in order to make something happen. It is what takes us from mere intellectual understanding or rote physical action into something more meaningful.

It’s the difference between just believing something because we’ve heard it somewhere and understanding it for ourselves. And beyond understanding something because we’ve thought about it and understood the concepts on an intellectual level, there is a deeper knowing that is gained through actual experience. It is a deeper level of understanding, one that requires blood, sweat and tears - sometimes literally - to earn.

Carlos Castaneda elegantly describes the hardships of the meandering path to understanding. ‘When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives… he hopes for rewards that will never materialize… What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid. Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield.’

Take art. Someone tells you the Mona Lisa is a work of art: ok. You believe them. Someone explains about her enigmatic smile: you understand why. You see it for yourself: it makes sense. How about if you paint something yourself? You know what ‘art’ looks like. How hard can it be? Of course, your first efforts are poor. Your efforts are a long way from what you see in your head. You get frustrated, but you apply yourself and learn the fundamentals. You begin to grasp the rules: you become technically proficient. Now, your understanding grows as does your scope: you understand when and how to break the rules. You learn how to give thoughts and emotions a form. You start creating work that is truly original, truly an expression of yourself.

Take sport. You watch a boxing match: it’s two guys hitting each other. Someone explains the different punches, the different functions of a jab and a cross, a hook and an uppercut, the importance of footwork. You learn about boxing. You get in a ring yourself: you end up lying on your back with a sore head. You start practicing the moves. You learn the technique, you experience the fear and the excitement. You learn to box. Or maybe you start boxing without any knowledge: you throw punches because you’re told to: you stand in a certain way because your coach says so. Over time you begin to understand why: eventually you find yourself moving the right way, in control of yourself and your opponent.

This is the process of learning: struggling to acquire skills, dealing with the frustration of plateaus and set backs, conquering external distractions, testing then overcoming our own limitations and mastering our bodies and minds. Practicing almost any skill, from drawing to drawing a sword, can bring about this kind of understanding of the self: it is the journey, not the end goal, that acts as a mirror to the inner workings of the mind.