A Eulogy for my Grandfather

Dear 公公,

I never knew you as well as I wanted to.

I wish we could have spent more time together.

I knew you as a kind and generous man. Everybody did. Everybody respected you. Everybody looked up to you, because you were honest, determined and full of integrity. You were a leader by example.

We would all be lucky to live the way you did, surrounded by the love and respect of family, friends and colleagues.

Even though you’re no longer with us, you are still a role model for us all. I hope we can all honour you by living in a way that you would be proud of.

I wish I could say this to you in person: I am proud and happy to be your grandson.

Dom

3, 2, 1, 0… 2013!


‘Set them free’: photo by Erik Johansson

~

The world didn’t end. The year did. Some things never change.

Are you planning on changing things in 2013? As I talked about last year, beware of New Year’s resolutions.


How serious are you about changing your life? Are you happy with your life? Do you have a dream? What does it look like?


Now think about what you do every day. Is what you do going to get you to your goal?

What can you do right now that will help you get a step closer to your dream?

What would you have to do to make your dream come true?

What would you gain by realising your dream? Would it actually make you happy?

Would you lose something if your dream came true? What would you have to give up to make it happen? Everything comes at a cost. There will be sacrifices to be made, risks to be run.

Are you happy with the dream just being a dream?


Work out what you want from life. Work out what you have to do to do it. Then do it. Keep on doing it.

Of course the road will be hard, but nothing worth having comes easy. Take responsibility for your life. In every moment you have a choice: walk the path that takes you to your goals. That’s all.

~

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” - Aristotle

Q:Date a man who writes with less flattery, who strives for his dreams and not describe it too deep. Date a man who talks about his dream, and not one who uses it to fish. Date a man who talks about how you fit in his dreams, and not why you should love him. But I guess, maybe... go ahead- date a man like this, but don't you dare marry a man who speaks like him.

tomatoeraincow

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
~ T. E. Lawrence

Of all the responses I’ve had to ‘Date a man who dreams’, this is one of the most thought provoking and interesting.

My dreams are always changing, shaped by my experiences, my successes and failures. The details become less important, while the core of what I aim for becomes ever clearer.

I never expected that post to reach so many people. I wrote it for a girl, at a time when I felt that we were slipping apart. I loved her and wanted to be with her: I wrote it in part to show her what I would do for her, and in part to convince myself that I deserved to be with her. Dreams are one thing, reality another. Confusing the two can cause a lot of pain, as was the case here.

Things didn’t work out as I thought I wanted. But on the other hand, this dream inspired me to pursue others, and I also helped her further her own. Even the death of this dream led to others being birthed or becoming concrete. Dreams change: knowing when to hold on to them and when to let them go is an art that I am yet to master.

I’m afraid of my dreams sometimes. I’m afraid my dreams are selfish, that I am all style and no substance, or that my dreams will never come to pass. Sometimes I think I am dreaming about the wrong things. I am a most imperfect man, and many of my dreams are far from being actualised. I write to share my thoughts with others. I write to share my dreams. But I also write in order to show myself that my dreams have meaning, to remind myself of why these dreams are so important to me.

My dream was always to reach people. But dreams can be dangerous: many people keep dreams that they will never realise, an unattainable goal that they can imagine will make their lives complete. So: do not date a man (or a woman) who dreams but does nothing to make them reality.

The worst thing I can imagine would be to leave my dreams unfulfilled. I am not writing for the sake of writing. I write to learn as well as to teach. I write to make things happen. Some of my dreams are unfulfilled, but I know that every day I do something to make them reality. Everyone dreams: not everyone remembers them when they are awake.

I stand by that last line: “Date a man who lives his dreams.”

Connection Rio x Bruce Lee. One of my favourite sayings from my biggest inspiration. Almost anything is possible with the right mindset. I am now working at Connection Rio as house manager. This means I’m training jiu jitsu, looking after the hostel and the guests and speaking a lot of Portuguese (or something kinda close to it). So far my stay in RIo has been an amazing experience that has fuelled a lot of personal growth, and I can only see this being a catalyst for more. It might be redundant to say I’m excited about spending the next four and a bit months in Rio, but excited barely begins to cover it. I will also be able to focus more on my writing, so expect some more posts on my thoughts and experiences so far. I also have a number of my own writing projects that I can’t wait to bring onto the front burner. Now go live your dreams!
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Connection Rio x Bruce Lee.

One of my favourite sayings from my biggest inspiration. Almost anything is possible with the right mindset.

I am now working at Connection Rio as house manager. This means I’m training jiu jitsu, looking after the hostel and the guests and speaking a lot of Portuguese (or something kinda close to it).

So far my stay in RIo has been an amazing experience that has fuelled a lot of personal growth, and I can only see this being a catalyst for more. It might be redundant to say I’m excited about spending the next four and a bit months in Rio, but excited barely begins to cover it.

I will also be able to focus more on my writing, so expect some more posts on my thoughts and experiences so far. I also have a number of my own writing projects that I can’t wait to bring onto the front burner.

Now go live your dreams!

The 12 Commandments of Carlos Gracie Sr.

1. Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

2. Talk to all people about happiness, health, and prosperity.

3. Give all your friends the feeling of being valued.

4. Look at things from an enlightened point of view and turn your positivity into reality.

5. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and always expect the best.

6. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are with your own.

7. Forget about past mistakes and focus your energy on the achievements of tomorrow.

8. Always make those around you happy and always have a smile for those who talk to you.

9. Take the time you need to improve yourself, but never spend time criticising others.

10. Be big enough not to feel unsatisfied, be noble enough not to feel anger, be strong enough not to feel fear, and be happy enough not to feel frustration.

11. Hold a good opinion about yourself and show that to the world, not through your words but through your work.

12. Believe that the world will be on your side, as long as you stay true to the best of yourself.

Carlos Gracie Sr. Founder of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

Back on Track

Right. I’ve let myself get sidetracked from what I need to be doing at this point in time.

Adventure calls again. Finally, I feel that tremor of fear and excitement that signals that I’m alive and free and a bit like myself again. Time to sublet my apartment, pack my bags, travel alone and work abroad in two very different countries.

I’m planning a good few adventures within the next calendar year which should take me well out of my comfort zone and give me space and time to write and grow. My horoscope for the year supposedly says travel and working abroad will be good for my career, so hey who am I to argue? At the very least, it’ll be good for my soul.

And though I’m not a great poet, I can at least be a good writer with incredible stories and experiences to write about.

As Wilde says, “A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of creatures. But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating. The worse their rhymes are, the more picturesque they look. The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets make a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize.”

Date a man who dreams

Date a man who dreams.

Date a man who doesn’t spend his money on drink, or clothes, or video games, but saves what he has to go on adventures and pursue his dreams. He might have problems dealing with everyday things but no-one sees the possibilities life holds like he does. This is a man who is ready for anything, who will drop everything on a moment’s notice to run away and get lost somewhere with you or show up unannounced to whisk you away on some crazy adventure. Date a man who sees the world in millions of colours, who has his head in the clouds and his feet on the ground.

Date a man who hasn’t got the money to spoil you or shower you with gifts but finds a way to do it anyway. You can trust that he’ll find a way to touch your heart and make you feel special in new ways. He knows that words and gifts aren’t what matters. Every time he gives you something or writes to you he is giving you a piece of his soul. And every time you give him something or write to him he will truly treasure it and understand the effort you put in to choosing the gift, the words, or even making it yourself.

Date a man who sees how amazing you are even if you don’t see it yourself, who sees how good things could be for you. Because a man like this who can see the end goal, the big picture, will keep on going because no obstacle can compare to what lies ahead. Date a man who believes in true love, in romance. He will dream up incredible fantasies that the two of you can bring to life together. He will take you places other people can’t even imagine. Date a man who believes in you, because he will help you believe as well. He will see echoes of you in every thing of beauty, and he sees beauty in everything. A man like this will always think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world and will always be there for you.

Date a man who reads books and comics, who watches films and cartoons, who laughs at stupid jokes and knows when to fall into a reverential silence and drink in the moment with you. You can just be yourself with him and he’ll just be himself. He’ll understand why you love the things you do and he’ll appreciate them and be interested in them too, even his own passions lie elsewhere. He understands your whims and desires, because he’s seen them acted out in his mind. And whatever the scenario, no matter how bad things get, he sees how the story ends. And because he sees how it ends, he knows that all tragedies are overcome, all villains vanquished and fears are banished, no matter how desperate the situation may appear. Better still, date a man who writes.

Date a man who can’t be pigeon holed into any one category, who can mingle in any crowd but doesn’t truly fit in any one scene. He’s an individual, a man who knows what it takes to stand out from the crowd and who doesn’t mind being judged or thought of as different. That’s why he will never judge you or make lazy assumptions about you. That’s why he will always see you as your own person, as a unique and wonderful individual.

Fail him. Let him down. Hurt him. He’ll do the same to you: but he knows that this is just how things go. He knows that life is made up of ups and downs. He will understand that when you lash out at him or push him away, there are many reasons why. Instead of getting mad or retaliating he’ll try and make things right. He knows when to apologise and admit to making mistakes. He’s also quick to forgive because he knows how easy it is to make mistakes. He understands that your flaws and vulnerabilities make you beautiful and strong.

He knows that perfect harmony doesn’t exist and that nothing is forever. He knows that you see this too: he sees beauty and freedom in this and wants to help you see it too. He knows fear and embraces it. He knows sadness. He knows his many flaws. He is prepared to adapt and to change because he respects your values and your opinions. He knows that nobody is perfect but that doesn’t stop him trying to do his best. He knows that love needs to be worked for, that relationships are a constant flow from love and laughter to arguments and conflict, that like all things the good times come with the bad and that the dancing and loving and laughing are worth the fighting. He wants you to be happy even if it means not being with you, but in his heart he believes that he can make you happy like nobody else and so will do anything to be with you.

Date a man who remembers every little thing about you, who is intuitive, who can see when you’re happy or sad, when you need cheering up or when you want to get away from it all or just forget everything for a while. He sees everything about you. He understands that you’ll be a different person from moment to moment, that you’ll change your mind and your mood without warning. He knows that you can switch between being a baller shot caller, a kawaii otaku, an artistic auteur or a femme fatale in the blink of an eye, an that they are all a part of who you are. He loves and pays attention to each and every aspect of your personality, from the girl who needs to be cuddled and cared for to the woman with her own needs and desires.

Date a man who fights to be in your life no matter what. A man who values you and believes he should be with you will only see that you are scared of how much this could mean for both of you. This kind of guy who will always be there for you when the times are tough, who is always looking out for you even when you’re not together or when you cannot see him. Date a man who will always believe you should be together: a man who will never give up on you no matter what. Date a man you’re scared to date, precisely because you cannot think of a reason you should be scared to be with him.

Date a man who knows that this isn’t about him, but about you: a man who loves you with his heart and soul. You deserve it.

Date a man who dreams. Who dreams about you.

Or better yet, date a man who lives his dreams.